I Am the Clay ~Part Five~ 11


i-am-the-clay-part-5

Isaiah 64:8- But now, O Lord, You are our Father; we are the clay and You are the potter, we are the work of  Your hand.

When I look back at my life, I see over and over that this verse is describing me.  Even when I acted more like jello, incapable of being shaped into into anything, I was always moldable clay in the hand of the Creator. Welcome to the final day of a five day journey telling you about myself and taking you through my “clay” journey.

As the last installment of this blog series, I would like to take a moment to say thank you! Writing these blogs has been a time of learning and growing for me and all of your comments and post shares have been so encouraging! I am truly humbled.

When part four of this blog ended, I had just turned 30 and was healing from surgery. I felt great, so I thought the surgery was the answer I needed to fix my crazy health behavior. Unfortunately, by December of that year, I was right back where I started in my same old familiar boat of sickness. I kept blaming all of my symptoms on the fact that I did not have proper nutrition due to my food allergies, but in my heart, I felt like something else was going on.

I was dealing with a lot of anxiety, everything and I mean everything stressed me, hair and eyebrow loss, incredibly sensitive teeth, a colon that was so inflamed that I looked like I was pregnant, yellow spots on my eyes, blood sugar that would drop so low that I would temporarily lose a good deal of my vision and hearing and more.

Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, it did. In February of this year, I started dealing with a swollen thyroid. The thyroid organ is in the middle of the neck. Now my neck is pretty small, so there is definitely no room for anything to swell. Therefore, I felt like I was being choked. Like putting on a tie and tightening it as much as you can. This would go on for about nine days at a time then subside. With no warning or reason, it would flare back up again. I felt like I was losing my mind! That secret hopelessness, defeat and so on showed back up and brought reinforcements. My mind was being tortured.

God is never late, but always right on time! He had to leave me alone long enough for me to be so empty that I would accept Him without question. Even though I knew I was a Christian, if you’ve read the other parts of this blog then you’ll remember this, I had always felt like God was at a distance from me. I believed that He was mad at me, disappointed in me and did not think I could do anything useful for His kingdom. Totally untrue. He wanted me to need Him in such a big way that He could have a big impact and no one else could take credit for it.

At the end of February, I was reconnected with a childhood friend. We spent about four hours catching up on a Sunday afternoon. What a woman of God! She knew about my severe health battle and I confided in her about my belief that these problems were brought on by God because He was mad at me. This whole thing was my fault. Well, she straightened me out real quick! She reminded me that God was a just God and that He was a God of kindness. She warned me about the power of the mind. If I accepted what was happening to me, then my mind would believe it so strongly that sickness would come out in my actions even on days that I felt OK.

I know that sounds a little confusing, but it is so true. I had accepted that barely surviving was the hand I had been dealt in life. Therefore, I walked around believing that I was pretty much dying. Now please do not misunderstand, I was incredibly sick, but on the days that I gave into it rather than trying to fight back against my symptoms, I felt even sicker and more depressed. The thoughts of  the mind are like coats.  Some of them you need to put on, but others do not even need to be in your closet, much less on you!

As I continued to decline, I started to take every thought captive rather than just dealing with what was happening to me. I wanted to live. In May of this year, I saw the words Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis on Pintrest. For whatever reason, I clicked on the pin and got the shock of my life. Nearly every symptom of this diseases was describing me. I had an autoimmune disorder, not poor nutrition. I went to the doctor for some blood work and the results confirmed my suspicions. I was terrified.

I was sent for an ultrasound of my thyroid gland and the results showed that I had four nodules on my thyroid. I was advised to have the thyroid removed as the nodules could be cancerous and the disorder would eventually kill my thyroid anyway. Even though I trusted my doctor with my life, something was holding me back from the idea of surgery.

Things looked very grim and helpless no matter which direction I went. That is when I really started to call out to God. I was in a hole of helplessness and unanswered questions about the future. I needed the Great I Am more than I ever had in my life. Surrender. I was becoming His clay.

People everywhere started lifting me up in prayer. It was a truly humbling experience. Through a series of God ordained circumstances, I was able to get an appointment with an endocrinologist that was not taking any new patients. I wanted him to weigh in on this whole ordeal. So here I am, 30 years old, and I am in the office of a specialist with a folder of blood work results (people had been sticking me for weeks!) and an ultrasound cd. He looked over everything very thoughtfully and advised me to not go through with a thyroidectomy. He was concerned about my health already being so fragile and surgery may only make it worse. He suggested we wait about six months and see if I settled down a little, then we would make a decision. He also wanted a repeat thyroid ultrasound. I had just had one less than four weeks ago and it showed the four nodules. Nevertheless, he felt another one was necessary, so I had one done that day.

Now hold on, because the power of God is about to blast through your screen!!! I was notified the next day that my ultrasound was clear as a bell! No nodules, no fear of cancer, I still had an autoimmune disorder, but my doctor saw no reason why I wouldn’t be just fine if I took really good care of myself! WHAT?!?! I could not believe it! I was not dying! I still had a chance to live my life! This was God! He had heard my prayers along with so many others and had given me healing!

All of the sudden, the burdens of hopelessness, defeat, guilt, embarrassment, shame, worthlessness, everything…..I threw them out! Those names did not apply to me anymore. God had spared my life so it must have worth to Him. I must have worth to Him!

When I started putting on that coat of belief, my whole world changed. God had given me a second chance at life! He had always been right there watching and waiting through all that I had dealt with in my life. He knew what I needed to experience in order to know without a doubt that He was God!

So here I am five months later and I am doing great! I am crazy active with my work, my church and now this precious blog. I would have never had the courage to do this on my own, but I am no longer on my own. My God is by my side, this I know for sure! I am clay in the hand of the Creator!

Graphic designed in Picmonkey

 

 

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11 thoughts on “I Am the Clay ~Part Five~

  • Kelley Helms

    This is such an awesome testimony Summer! May God continue to keep his healing hand on you, and direct you in His perfect plan He has for you!

    • Summer Post author

      Thank you Kelley! God’s plan is so perfect even if it takes years to come forth. Our God is not on a timetable and the wait is totally worth it!

  • Linda

    Summer, I have just finished reading your story over at Arabah Joy. Thank you for sharing – I am still smiling from being reminded again how great our God is. He I should indeed a good, good Father. Lovely to meet you here too!

    • Summer Post author

      Thank you Linda! Arabah Joy is amazing and I am so grateful to her for sharing my story. If you haven’t already, please visit my blog page to read parts 1-4 of this story as well. Yes, my God is the Great I Am! I am so overwhelmed by His love for me!

  • Mommyof2

    Summer. God bless you 🙏🏾 This is s heartfelt testimony of God speaking to us when we feel the answer is in a distance. Reading this made me cry, tears of joy. I was diagnosed with Graves’ disease. Early this year. I live in a country where most doctors are still just learning of it. It’s 3am now and I woke up to pray, feeling broken, depressed, sad and I needed God to mold me back into shape. Heal my broken spirit and help my sanity through this illness. I prayed for long and thought I would receive his blessings one day. Didn’t think it would be as I said amen 🙈 I got up and as I got into bed I checked my email and read the Arabah Joy only to find your testimony 🙌🏿 I feel blessed and I know God is telling me to hold on, He is the potter and I am the clay. Everything will be alright with him by my side 🙏🏾 any hyperthyroid health tips are soooooo welcome. It’s actually a scary disorder😩

    • Summer Post author

      Dear Sister, I am looking at my keyboard through tears right now. First, I am so sorry about your diagnosis. Graves is a scary and difficult thing. Second, I am SO encouraged that even in the midst of your brokenness, you are still praying and trusting God. What a testimony of faith! You went before the Lord with expectancy and He answered with a little encouragement. You are on the right track…hold on. We never know what God has in store for us right around the corner. If you haven’t already, log on to my blog page and read parts one through four on my testimony. You will see that God brought me through numerous difficulties to make my life not just clay but the right kind of clay for His glory. I have no doubt that He will do the same for you! I do have a few health suggestions for you that I will email you tomorrow. I will be praying for you sweet sister!

    • Summer Post author

      Thank you Heather! Yes our God is BIG and His timing is perfect! He knows exactly what needs to take place in our lives to bring us to a place of surrender.

  • Crystal

    Thanks you for sharing part of your story. Like someone else, I was a puddle of tears when I read about your answered prayer. I’m praying for answers and hoping for the day when I feel a break in the clouds. I was so encouraged by your words as I’ve been dealing with anxiety, depression and health issues especially this past year. I’ve had many of the same feelings as you shared. I’m still in a place of frustration and confusion. You’ve encouraged me to continue to hope in God. I trust He’s working. I have so much I could say, but I’ll just say thank you. Oh and I read you’re bio and I’m from Alabama, too. 🙂