I bought a dress, had a venue booked and owned a custom designed wedding band. We were going on a dream honeymoon to Disney World. A reception play list had been made, guest list completed and bridesmaid’s dresses ordered. Everything was in place for my wedding in 2012….or at least I thought it was. I was not ready for what was coming at me. What is a girl to do when she finds herself in unexpected, last minute singleness just seven weeks before her big day?
The word just gave me the heebie jeebies! Webster defines singleness as the quality or state of being single. However, I defined singleness as the quality or state of being ashamed or being a failure. In my mind, the only thing worse than having to claim singleness was being so close to throwing out that identity forever and then having to go put it back on again. I mean, I knew that I had done the right thing by breaking off my engagement. God had been strongly showing me that my upcoming marriage was not in step with His will. Even though I was engaged to a wonderful man, God was not going to allow me to say “I do”. Period. End of discussion.
So why did God let me get so close to what I thought my heart wanted only to pull the rug out from under my feet? The answer is simple: God knew His child. He knew that I would never have a love for singleness until I was forced to accept it. I needed to make friend with it, not just tolerate it.
Now please do not misunderstand or see me as the poster child for the single girl. No way, girlfriend! I had a lot of wrong ideas and believed a lot of lies. I am so grateful that God gently changed my heart and eased me into a place of pure joy….but it didn’t happen over night!
When I realized that my singleness had a specific calling within it, my whole outlook changed!
1 Corinthians 7:17 ESV – Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches.
Finding Peace With Your Singleness
Yes, singleness can have its awkward moments and the Hallmark movies might really get to you, but you can find joy in your singleness today!
After I broke off my engagement, I felt like I did not have a place in my own life. I spent a few years wandering around lost, but then I finally came to the realization that it was time to move on. I joined a ladies Bible study group, started babysitting all of my friend’s children, took up an interest in politics, made new friends, went out to dinner, started this blog, invested in others and so much more. All of the sudden, I did not have time to mourn my single status. Instead, I was loving the life and servanthood that God had blessed me with. Ironically, I became thankful for my single lifestyle because I loved what I was doing!
Living Not Waiting
Sister, if you have found yourself in a time of singleness right now, don’t quit. Love, acceptance, fun experiences and true joy are not reserved only for the married and dating women. You can have an enjoyable life too and have it right now! Be a lady in living not a lady in waiting.
Singleness does not have to look like unshaved legs, four day old messy bun and Lean Cuisine. No ma’am! Jesus said that He came to this world so that you could have life more abundantly (John 10:10) He did not come so that you could have a boring life with a high sodium intake! Girlfriend, run through the shower and go find something to do for the Kingdom! Seek out your passions and pour your life into them.
Singleness has afforded me the unique opportunity to connect with God and others in a way that I never could have if I was married or even in a relationship.
Matthew 6:33 – But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Because I am single, I had the free time to take my friend’s daughter to dance line practice last fall. I got to connect with a mom and speak some Godly encouragement over her. By not being married, I do not feel a calling to be part of a “grown up” Sunday school class. Instead, I have been teaching first grade Sunday school for seven years now and LOVE it! My time belongs to me, so I can spend it really getting to know myself and examining my heart. I get to keep discovering who I am in my heart and in Christ instead of being defined by a relationship.
The truth is, your life and my life are happening right now no matter what our relationship status is. We did not wait until we had a man in our lives to apply for a job, buy a car or take a road trip. That would be crazy, right? In the same way, no single girl should feel that she is insignificant, ineffective or unwanted because she’s just a party of one. If she is a believer in Christ, she is never a party of one. Jesus goes with her everywhere and He is the companion that always listens, always cares and never walks away. (This blog uses affiliate links. Please see my full disclosure here.)
Singleness really is a blessed season of life and it is meant to be not only enjoyed but savored!
It is my joy and privilege to introduce an amazing woman named Shelley Black who has written the heart changing book Savoring Single.
Why savoring single? Because you were meant to enjoy it!
Shelley believes that finding purpose, knowing love, and experiencing adventure aren’t reserved solely for the married girls! You can enjoy a full and vibrant life even while being single. It’s also a perfect time to partner with what God wants to develop in you through this once-in-a-lifetime part of your journey! Girl, being single is okay. There is a purpose for it, and it won’t last forever. So savor it!
Shelley Black has journeyed through being single longer than she expected and has since found joy, hope and purpose from a once begrudged season. She now challenges the status quo of what it means to be single as a modern-day Christian female, with a passion to infuse hope and restore joy to every single-girl heart. Shelley is a loving momma to her pup Lucy, is one proud “T” to six nieces and nephews and serves her local church in North Mississippi as the worship leader. Find her at SavoringSingle.com and across social media at SavoringSingle.
I hope that you check out Shelley’s book because I am believing that it is going to change someone’s life…maybe yours! Be sure to email me and let me know what you think about it!
Don’t Keep A Secret!
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