While it may not be a word, we established in the last blog that it is definitely a thing. What kind of “thing”? Anti seduction is the opposite of seduction.
Seduction is giving into a situation because it makes us feel wanted. We most often hear the word seduction paired with something sexual. However, I believe that most of us experience daily seduction on a much different scale. What do we do in our regular routine because it makes us feel wanted? How much do we hide our real selves, how far to we straddle the fence, what are we willing to sacrifice in order to feel like we are wanted? Let’s take it a step further – how far do we allow others to seduce us in order for them to obtain what they want from us?
So now that we have a good hold on seduction, what is anti seduction? It is the feeling of being unwanted. Has there been a time in your life where someone did their all around best to make you feel unwanted? Who was it? In what type of setting did it take place? What was the cause of the anti seduction? How did it make you feel?
I am pretty nervous to be typing this right now…my heart is thumping! I am not married and have never been, so I have never felt that it was my place to discuss anything about marital relationships. However, I have something pretty important that I want to share with you today regarding anti seduction in your marriage.
Several weeks ago, I tossed a question out to a lot of people I know. I asked them what made them feel wanted and what made them feel unwanted. I did not necessarily mean what made them feel wanted or unwanted in their marriages but that is the direction this question went. The answers I got were simply amazing! Almost every woman had the same answer and almost every man had the same answer! Now the men’s response was different than the women’s response, but for the most part, all the women were echoing each other and so were the men. I was shocked!
Here is what I discovered:
Women feel most wanted and valued when their husbands help them with their responsibilities. Whether it be house work, sitting at a little league game or taking that dreaded trip to the grocery store, women want their husbands to be a part of the “life stuff”. These women also said that they feel wanted, valued and loved by their husbands when he acknowledges them, he pays attention and remembers what interests them, he tries to go the extra mile to make their lives a little easier and he is romantic.
Men are not as nearly detailed as women, but they feel most wanted, valued and loved by their wife when she is present, when she is really there. They would love for her to stop whatever is going on and take some time to sit with him on the couch. They just want to talk. They want her to forget about how she might look that day or how bad the clutter and chaos is throughout the house and just focus on them as a couple for a time. They want to experience those little romantic moments with her as she shares her attention with him. These men said they do not care whether or not the house is perfect or the laundry has been folded and put away. While they appreciate their wife’s hard work, their main focus is just her and they want her main focus to be just him.
Before we go any further, you may want to read back over those last two paragraphs again so you can really get a feel of where everyone is coming from.
Marriage Advice From A Single Girl
Did you pick up on the differences/similarities of these men and women?
-Women want him to help her with the household responsibilities, but he does not even care if the house is clean
-Men want her to just stop, sit down and talk, but if she does not go to the grocery store they will not have supper
-She wants his help the way she wants it
-He wants to help the way he wants to
Is this ringing a bell with you? Can you relate? Why is it so hard to get and stay on the same page with your spouse?
“I will put enmity between you and the woman” Genisis 3:15 a NIV
The definition of enmity is defined as the feeling of being actively opposed or hostile towards something or someone.
After Adam and Eve sinned in the garden, opposition between husbands and wives was one of the punishments placed on mankind. They were not going to see things the same or have the same priorities or needs. With good communication, a strong relationship with God and each other and sacrificial love, this opposition can be worked around. No, it will not go away, but it can be navigated.
However, Satan loves to take advantage of that enmity which brings us to anti seduction within today’s marriages. As a woman, it can be so easy to believe that he does not care about her or takes advantage of her because he walks in the door and crashes on the couch, leaving her to do everything. This kind of stuff can start making her feel very unwanted, unappreciated and unloved. On the other hand, could men all over America be sitting on that couch just waiting for her to stop and focus on him for a few minutes? Seems like a simple solution, right? Take fifteen minutes to cuddle, kiss and talk and then both of you tackle the house with all you’ve got. Unfortunately, that kind of team work is rare. Everyone usually ends up taking care of their own stuff and feeling very unwanted in the process.
Be careful! This kind of stuff is exactly what Satan uses to plant seeds of discontentment in your heart, tempt roaming eyes and whispers lies of how you deserve to be happy so it’s not that big of a deal if you are not a faithful partner.
Build A Wall of Seduction At Your House
What? You read it right! Establish a barrier of want around your home and your spouse. Let the communication flow freely and gently draw it out of your spouse. Do your best to meet the other one’s needs and connect with them in their language rather than in yours. However, if you are having a day where you just do not have anything to give, be honest and say so. Going humbly before your spouse and confessing that you are having a bad day or season is the best thing you could do for your marriage. It will challenge your mate to invest more time into you and it will encourage your mate to have mercy towards you. At all times, do your upmost to let your spouse know that they are wanted. As we saw from the opinions that the men and women shared with me, they are all after the same thing…each other. Yes, maybe they have different ways of going about it, but the end result is the same. Your spouse wants you and you want your spouse. Do not let poor communication and Satan’s manipulative schemes destroy that. If you are feeling unwanted by your spouse for whatever reason let them know. Their behavior may be very unintentional. Give them the heads up and an opportunity to correct it. Has there been a lot of bad water under the bridge? Hit your knees and start praying together and separately for the restoration of love, trust and acceptance for one another. Ask God to align your hearts with each other and with Him. You both knew what you were getting when you married each other and you were ok with that at the time. Search out that sweet spot again. How? A good way to start is by showing your precious spouse that they are wanted and loved very much. As long as they believe that you want them there, they will give their best efforts to you too. Give it a try and spread the want today! As the Bride of Christ, we already have the perfect example of love, sacrifice and value set before us. Our Bridegroom, Jesus Christ is the lover of our soul and He wants to be exemplified in your marriage.
Don’t Keep A Secret
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